ForSerious Editorial Board: The National Post is still with us

Read this article first in order to maximize blog-reading experience.

If the circulation statistics, advertising sales, and voice inside my head are to be believed, the National Post is disappearing from many Canadians’ coffee tables (though it does populate more and more fireplaces). Forgive us for being skeptical. We would wave good-bye without shedding a tear, but we are pretty sure this angry, divisive and dubious “paper” is simply pretending to disappear.

To start, the radical writers behind their editorials have done untold damage to families, our court systems, labour laws, constitutional freedoms and even the ordinary relations between men and women.

National Post editorials have taught that all time spent reading the National Post — or nearly all — would have been better spent making paper mache Stephen Harper tribute dolls. Their Editorial Board has argued, with approximately-whatever-a-friendly-thesaurus-word-is-for-ZERO success, that rights should be granted not to individuals alone, but to whole Editorial Boards, too. This has led to newspaper subsidy – printing papers based on one’s depth of pocket rather than on an objective assessment of quality reporting.

Executives, judges and university students will continue life uninterrupted (except for Beyonce’s nutters/FANTASTIC-ALANIS-TOPS-ALL show at Grammys last night), and Editorial Boards with poor karma find they lose their homes and access to their children. But at least they can all keep warm together by huddling around their mutual hostility born of Suzy Lynn, the dreamy crush who didn’t date any of them because she was too busy at her Women’s Studies classes.

The equality of newsprint before and under the law, granted to all Canadians regardless of race, sex, creed or origin, has been eroded because National Post writers are batshit crazy.

Over the years, National Post writers have argued that it’s okay to ride unicorns, oppress the masses, inspire Canadians to make infinite numbers of paper hats, promote fear inspired slurs, steal candy from children, and wear Conrad Black fan coats. They have long argued their right to exist; although, interestingly, they don’t for 89% of Canadians.

They have pushed for universal paper-care and advocated against newspaper euthanasia. All of which is apparently just “patriarchal brainwashing.” So the only way to ensure reporter equality is for Canadians to read the National Post Editorials section with their independent thinking switch turned decidedly “off.”

In sum, there would be little of rational worth left if the National Post were to disappear, even for those saving vast amounts on kindling. Many Canadians continue to ask questions like, is the National Post really showing their true colours or is this just the beginning? Are the writers different? Has the basic philosophy behind the newspaper changed? Have the articles been altered?

In most cases the answer is no. Little has changed but their shrinking bottom line.

While we’d like to cheer and say “Good riddance,” we’re certain such celebration would go well into Tuesday morning. And unlike some, we have real jobs to do.

With our utmost love for  (for serious) editorial boards in general,

Zoë & Denise

* Please note that approximately 72.783% of the above content has been taken from the original National Post article hacking away at Women’s Studies. Click on the top and bottom half of the image above for full article content. OR – (easy way out) – click here for the Post’s most popular article this year (according to our sometimes-less-than-accurate 6th sense statistics).