Dear John, It’s over. We’re scared of ulcers. Love, ForSerious
“What does an ulcer feel like?” Zoe asked us aloud as she tilted her head for a split second and pondered the striking throb in her lower right stomach after a double cappuccino chug. “I could Google it,” she announced.
“Well that didn’t help me much, except to tell me that I probably “work too much”. Shocking, thanks for nothing Wikipedia.”
In that exact moment we considered calling the Prime Minister’s Office and asking, “So sorry to disturb, but is the reason that Stephen Harper prorogued Parliament because he was afraid of getting an ulcer?”
Surprisingly, we realized, mid-visualization, that we might actually rest content if the answer on the other end of the line was, “Why, yes!” because a reason – ANY reason – would have been an excellent start to Harper’s “Dear John” letter to the nation.
Instead, he went all old-school and sent it to Canadians telegraph style:
PARLIAMENT CANCELLED STOP OLYMPIC FOCUS URGENT STOP PRETEND NOTHING HAPPENED STOP TTYL
STEPHEN
And with that, here is a snapshot of where our country is at, where it could have gone, and where it will go instead, in the next 60 days:
| There we were | If we only had a Parliament | Busy. For realsy. Promise. |
| Pied ourselves in the face in Copenhagen at climate change talks. | Opposition would have had chance to ask you how the pie tasted. | Time to bake more pies for face. |
| Something about… Afghanistan? | Ac-count-a-bil-i-ty [uh-koun-tuh-bil-i-tee] — noun | Shhhhhh. Shhhhh…. shush little one. There is no spoon… |
| Haiti needs help. | Let’s give some cash. OH - and show leadership & comfort to Canadians with family there. | Let’s give some cash. |
| Uh oh. Let’s hope the economy doesn’t plug up the toilet drain… | Two words: Finance Committee (ok, six words :a transparent Finance Committee working overtime) | Unsure. Dear PM Harper, Please reply here with report of economy work done in January. Thanks. |
But before we depart, a final note for our dear PM Harper:
We at ForSerious tried the whole “prorogue-with-no-reason” approach. It didn’t work. So note that we’re back, in full force, for the good of our seven readers. Be wise as we were, and return for the sake of your seven voters. Trust.
And next time (which would be number three, in case you’ve lost count) you decide to go on Parliamentary-Prorogue-Tour-Redux, may we suggest a little two-word mantra to ask yourself before acting on it:
For serious?
Your hosts,
Important note:
ForSerious.ca welcomes Denise to the the trio of “oh no he didn’t!” aficionados. We like Denise, and we think you will too. Oh ya, and we got a Twitter account.
Less-important note:
It’s a good thing that so many of you (i.e. four of you) asked us to keep this going. Until that happened, we were on a slippery slope spending hour-after-hour on the couch watching that damned (and by damned, we mean BRILLIANT) GoldenGirls YouTube channel, being dragged closer-and-closer into ohhh-noooo-I’m-going-to-end-up-like-Blanche-aren’t-I oblivion. Close call, friends. Close call.
Finally! Life has been so void without your posts……….You have to give Stephen credit for his consistency though. How many announcements has he made that weren’t in the afternoon on a Friday or national holiday? Old school telegraph or otherwise.